Teachings Parents should heed

动辄加以棍棒, 不耐给予教诲, 这顽童又如何能成才。

星汉灿烂 ep10

34min09sec

She's finally buried.

Since Grandma's passing, nothing has been the same for me.

I've dissociated, isolated and flat out just broken.....

The fleeting thought of her makes me cry in a split second.

I just started grief counseling after the first couple of QA sessions. Everyone is hoping this will work, but it's a lot to expect from a 6 to 8 weeks program that's once per week.... Honestly... 

Very little desire for things and not just to do things.

Nothing else matters ..... 

Grandpa took grandma's ashes home to be buried finally, after more than two years. It hurts so much that I can't be there but it's also of great relief knowing she has a place to rest in peace now. 

Mind dump

It was nice meeting a competent new therapist last Tuesday. He definitely seems to have more common sense than my current psychiatrist..   or at least less bullshit. (Treating me like im fresh out the womb and don't know any better, smh ... Stupid bitch ... Yep still hostile.)

It's going to be productive with this therapist, I can feel it. It'll be productive for the both of us lol. Appearently I'm still being nominated by medical professionals to become a stand up comedian. 2023 and still going strong lol

I was very amused when he said on the scale of one to ten.... The more he listened to what I had to say... It went to 20... Then 30.... Hahahaha

I died a little there lol, joey did too when I told him about it 

It's been nice having a friend to hang out with at least once a week recently; due to our physical therapy appointments. 

And according to my cardiologist, I haven't gone back to see him for like 9 years... 

I'm stuck wearing another heart monitoring thing for days (like a week).... Itchy... Bad for my eczema. 

Not a fan before and still don't like it. I am surprised that it's equipment wise got upgraded from the stone age and is now working the Bluetooth and synced with a smartphone to go lol 

Now I'm just waiting on the CT angiogram that he wants to have me do as a precaution ...

#OldAgeIsReal

Reflections: Chapter 01 of A Purpose Driven Life (Book)

Reading a Book: A Purpose Driven Life 
Chapter 01 

It's rare for me to voluntarily read and or want to read on my own; Especially if it wasn't forced upon me by the obligations of life.

The author wants his readers to interact with his book for 40 days, as an experience and journey. 
A reflection of marinated thought, daily, per chapter. 



     As I read the first chapter, again, (since I never got too far the first time years ago) I had many instant disagreeing feelings to what I read. 

The message I reacted to was how a life that's self serving and self centered is wrong; especially when the author is addressing to me, his reader, about "My" - Life. 

Parents raise children to believe that being selfish is bad. And therefore: Wrong! 
But they never told me that being selfless can be harmful and painful to me and my well being. 
So of course when I felt that my self preservation instincts are being preyed upon by what I read, I strongly disagreed. (as a first response) 

As a child to their parental relationships, many of us try to escape the life of having our parental figures live their lives vicariously through us (some more forcefully than others, about how and who we should be, and therefore what to do, to become their dreams and failed aspirations). 

My life is mine. My time is mine. My direction to strive my life towards is also mine. 
I will not make someone else the star and backseat driver of "My"-Life. 
There's no investment like self investment.
It has never wasted my time nor attachments towards self improvement. 

But living selflessly, self-sacrificingly, have scorned me to crisps and burned my well being to the ground (in more ways than one). 

I'm not Gandhi.
I'm not Mother Teresa.
And nor will I ever aspire to be; For what I seek is simple and plain. 
I have no dreams about being an icon, or a looking point to inspire others. 

All I have ever wanted, was to live a peaceful life with a family of my own, as a whole. 
I have no grandiose dreams of being rich, famous, or influential. 
I actually don't want to be bothered by people.

It's peaceful.  

Hell on Earth

There is a reason why this prison is the worst hell on earth. Hope. 

Every man who has rotted here over the centuries, has looked up to the light, and imagined climbing to freedom. So easy. So simple. 

And like shipwrecked men turning to sea water, from uncontrollable thirst... many have died trying.

I learned here that there can be no true despair without hope.

Bane

Batman: Rise of Darkness

I will feed its people hope to poison their souls. I will let them believe that they can survive, so that you can watch them clambering over each other to stay in the sun.

King's Avatar

幻想和现实的区别是坚信不疑。

不可能到可能的距离是绝不放弃。

叶秋

君莫笑

Trust

"Trust only lasts until someone involved changes their mind." 

Tukasa 

Anime: Pet ep07 Revenge