独一无二

独一无二

我这个人，是不吃回头草的。

我要么跟你在一起，至死不渝。

我要么跟你分的干干净净，斩草除根。

我是个人，不是游戏机，

你不会有第二次机会的。

此生仅此一次！

希望你死的明白。

勿念。

🫰🏻

女汉子

要头，头一个。

要命，命一条。

本姑娘不怕死。只怕被你耽搁了。

我般逍遥。。。

我好像花了一辈子寻找一个：

不存在的爱情故事。

不属于我的家庭。

不归我的事业和工作。

留不住的爱人。

保不住的工作。

救不了的亲人。

生不了的孩子。

一生的遗憾，30 而落。

我的心好痛，人好空虚。

我找遍了全世界可是我就是找不到你。

你到底在哪里？ 

害怕你已经不在了。

怕你走了。

怕你没了。

怕你被那个小三拐走了。

我应该怎么办？

剩下我一个人，你叫我该怎么办？

为什么这些人都这么爱给我画饼？

都是骗子。

怕我要像守活寡一样活着一辈子。

这好像就是我的命似的。

从高中毕业后就这样了。

真心，真意，真情，纯洁的爱情真的不存在了吗？

Reasoning for Love

我也有不为人知的一面。

既然不够了解

我们增加了解不就好了

生活习惯， 爱好，都是很独特的东西

没必要刻意去改变

喜欢一个人

就会接受他的一切

甚至被同化

爱情就是。。。“彭”

你懂吗？

所以

不要一板一眼地讲道理。

喜欢你， 就是我的道理！

Character: 秦小月

TV Show: 以爱为营

Ep: 30

Teachings Parents should heed

动辄加以棍棒, 不耐给予教诲, 这顽童又如何能成才。

星汉灿烂 ep10

34min09sec

She's finally buried.

Since Grandma's passing, nothing has been the same for me.

I've dissociated, isolated and flat out just broken.....

The fleeting thought of her makes me cry in a split second.

I just started grief counseling after the first couple of QA sessions. Everyone is hoping this will work, but it's a lot to expect from a 6 to 8 weeks program that's once per week.... Honestly... 

Very little desire for things and not just to do things.

Nothing else matters ..... 

Grandpa took grandma's ashes home to be buried finally, after more than two years. It hurts so much that I can't be there but it's also of great relief knowing she has a place to rest in peace now. 

Mind dump

It was nice meeting a competent new therapist last Tuesday. He definitely seems to have more common sense than my current psychiatrist..   or at least less bullshit. (Treating me like im fresh out the womb and don't know any better, smh ... Stupid bitch ... Yep still hostile.)

It's going to be productive with this therapist, I can feel it. It'll be productive for the both of us lol. Appearently I'm still being nominated by medical professionals to become a stand up comedian. 2023 and still going strong lol

I was very amused when he said on the scale of one to ten.... The more he listened to what I had to say... It went to 20... Then 30.... Hahahaha

I died a little there lol, joey did too when I told him about it 

It's been nice having a friend to hang out with at least once a week recently; due to our physical therapy appointments. 

And according to my cardiologist, I haven't gone back to see him for like 9 years... 

I'm stuck wearing another heart monitoring thing for days (like a week).... Itchy... Bad for my eczema. 

Not a fan before and still don't like it. I am surprised that it's equipment wise got upgraded from the stone age and is now working the Bluetooth and synced with a smartphone to go lol 

Now I'm just waiting on the CT angiogram that he wants to have me do as a precaution ...

#OldAgeIsReal

Reflections: Chapter 01 of A Purpose Driven Life (Book)

Reading a Book: A Purpose Driven Life 
Chapter 01 

It's rare for me to voluntarily read and or want to read on my own; Especially if it wasn't forced upon me by the obligations of life.

The author wants his readers to interact with his book for 40 days, as an experience and journey. 
A reflection of marinated thought, daily, per chapter. 



     As I read the first chapter, again, (since I never got too far the first time years ago) I had many instant disagreeing feelings to what I read. 

The message I reacted to was how a life that's self serving and self centered is wrong; especially when the author is addressing to me, his reader, about "My" - Life. 

Parents raise children to believe that being selfish is bad. And therefore: Wrong! 
But they never told me that being selfless can be harmful and painful to me and my well being. 
So of course when I felt that my self preservation instincts are being preyed upon by what I read, I strongly disagreed. (as a first response) 

As a child to their parental relationships, many of us try to escape the life of having our parental figures live their lives vicariously through us (some more forcefully than others, about how and who we should be, and therefore what to do, to become their dreams and failed aspirations). 

My life is mine. My time is mine. My direction to strive my life towards is also mine. 
I will not make someone else the star and backseat driver of "My"-Life. 
There's no investment like self investment.
It has never wasted my time nor attachments towards self improvement. 

But living selflessly, self-sacrificingly, have scorned me to crisps and burned my well being to the ground (in more ways than one). 

I'm not Gandhi.
I'm not Mother Teresa.
And nor will I ever aspire to be; For what I seek is simple and plain. 
I have no dreams about being an icon, or a looking point to inspire others. 

All I have ever wanted, was to live a peaceful life with a family of my own, as a whole. 
I have no grandiose dreams of being rich, famous, or influential. 
I actually don't want to be bothered by people.

It's peaceful.