Messy Thoughts

How do I tell my shrink that since the last time I saw her

Till this week.... 

I OD-ed and was in the ER ...😅🤦🏻‍♀️?

And not have her wanting to have me committed lol 

Oy vey.... 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Even my family doesn't know and just thought I was in the ER for food poisoning. 

And then my stomach was super upset for the week that followed .... (Good news.. lost 7lbs lol 🤣)

It's not 100% back to normal but at least I'm able to eat more now. 

....

Just when I thought I might hit cardiac arrest... And what am I to do?

My thoughts hit...fuck it lol and went... 

I'll be dead... No longer my problem lol 🤣 

Even though I was worried about how my folks would have to deal with all this and etc

How quickly ... It went into a blank slate of ... 

Oh well lol 

Near Death ... and Now

When you're enveloped by grief... 

There's so many overwhelming emotions that leaves you unable to focus. It leaves you without a focal point to pour your energy into .....

(And there's "so much"  energy stagnant in your being.)

You don't know who to blame. 

What to do. 

Who to hate 

What coulda, shoulda, and woulda even applied ... 

Everything's just in a frenzy.... 

Panic, anxiety, hurt, anger, sorrow....

It's like tossing everything you find into a pot kinda... 

And the task is to arrange things in # order 😅

Because society wants you to react "properly" lol.

But no one griefs the same...so what's even proper in these circumstances anyhow? And then there's our cultural differences too...

And my family was grief shaming me for crying.