I've been planning a birthday surprise since the beginning of the month. Wendy, who plans birthdays for all of us in the office and puts in extra money when she don't get enough from everyone at the job. It's about time we celebrated her's or at least to thank her. I ended up collecting over a hundred for this woman, and been shopping for today's big surprise since last weekend.
She got balloons from Tonya, got a bouquet of pink roses, I ended up buying 2 cakes(Italian Rum/ and a 14 cheesecake sampler) , since it was going to be 15 people today. 3 bottles of sodas ( one diet ginger ale so she can drink too) , and some of her favorite snacks. (Pop corn, potato chips, and cheese puffs ). We topped it off with a birthday, which I made sure everyone who chipped in, signed it. Last but not least, because I was being savvy with the spending budget, had $50 to give her as well.
Today's birthday surprise was accomplished with great success ! She never saw it coming :D
--------------
Work wise..... 50 car party in the city, with party rates.... took 3 drivers from party, who are also from my weekend ESL class, to cover zone 54's big VIPs ...
Today felt great! I'm exhausted, since I got up super early to do everything and barely caught any sleep since I was still thinking how to deal with everything I need to do.... but it was worth it. :) She was happy. I was afraid that she would be angry, since she didn't want to celebrate her birthday and was very insisting on it.
Sad part of today, one of my nice drivers 544 called and said this was his last week. He found a full time office job and friday he will be in the office to finish paper works etc etc for leaving. So maybe I'll get to meet him before he leaves like Femi (but never got to see him) He left me his contact said to K.I.T., so sweet of him. I was so bummed out though.
One other downside to today... I forgot today was voting day....didn't realize it till I was shopping in Flushing for Wendy's birthday surprise; wanted to vote for John Liu for Mayor... just saw his campaign in the mail too.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Manager for a Day
So Rudy called out today 9/9/2013... Monday....and automatically I'm the one in charge of the 3-11pm shift =_="" ..... man... was I not thrilled about this lol And then everything else just piled on, one after the next... I was just annoyed and not feeling it...
We all thought Rudy was going to be out Tues. and then a text message about him being out today, which only Ruben received ....=_="" aarruughh....I don't get group texts... this is the 2nd time he tried group texting, when he knew 1st failed !! .... But whatever...
First, I get Farruhk telling me no he won't move from his seat to where Rudy usually sits. Then Ruben had to tell him to move a few times, I told him more than 5 times, Matt had to tell him and then ended up yelling at him for being uncooperative while I'm in charge. Then Audrey had to come by ask what's going on and then tell him to move too..... It blew up...after Farruhk went to Garviel and Waheed.... and all this bullshit over nothing, because he felt like behaving like a child; and then went to complain about it when he got treated as such.
2 events going on .... zone 7 for new account and then zone 54 with barclays ...and the parking lot, can't find utog dispatcher drama....and Barclays Manager calling.....big loops of nothing and lack of communication all around .... :: deep sighs ::....so annoying =_=""
We were stripped in the city before I even got a chance to sit down today. I had to worry about the live calls with no @ signs, showing passengers knew of the delays. And then worry about reservations to come, that will also be delayed. At the same time....missing 2 operators, not to mention my own Manager. It was just chaos....
All of this...and then Alex the boss calls me to his office....to finally get a chance to talk..... when it was the worst time to have a talk and drag me from my seat. Luckily, Garviel came in and got me out of there, since I didn't know when or how to interrupt the Boss's conversation with another person when I came in.
And before Waheed leaves....he tells me we have a 50 car party tomorrow. Which I have to put out the info. today...so we can be prepared tomorrow. =_=""
I was so glad when Alex said he called Zack to come back....it was around 5pm and he said in 20 minutes or so Zack would be back int he office. Barclays was mostly thanks to him and his efforts tonight. I was being spread so thin without any proper training for this role they just dropped on me. :: deep...deeeppp EXHALES !!::....
All of this.... while trying to put together Wendy's birthday surprise as well... and everything needed for coordination .... It was just crazy, hectic, and insane..... for lack of better words.
Thank god Zack was there, so I had a chance to go eat as well.... since I didn't even get a chance to order any food when I came in today, it was too crazy. (And I'm still only being compensated as a Dispatcher only, none for any of the roles they just dropped on me, esp. without proper training as well. ) I left the job and I forgot my own jacket =_="" .... sheeshh....and it's been nippy lately too :/
I miss having a seasoned Manager..... I missed Iskander, I miss Roni..... :: sighs ::....
Surprising Highlight of today: One of my Chinese Drivers, heard the exhaustion and dismay in my voice... asked me what was wrong, told her it was crazy today; next thing I know she told me that if I was to ever leave the company, she volunteers to go with me. But just to make sure it's a good company and she will come with :) and she said it all happy and cheerful. I was so surprised and kind of moved, and semi cheered up, to feel like I have a shoulder to cry on too and not just hear them complain all the time lol. It felt like I made a friend today, and it was real and not just on the level of using each other for work.
We all thought Rudy was going to be out Tues. and then a text message about him being out today, which only Ruben received ....=_="" aarruughh....I don't get group texts... this is the 2nd time he tried group texting, when he knew 1st failed !! .... But whatever...
First, I get Farruhk telling me no he won't move from his seat to where Rudy usually sits. Then Ruben had to tell him to move a few times, I told him more than 5 times, Matt had to tell him and then ended up yelling at him for being uncooperative while I'm in charge. Then Audrey had to come by ask what's going on and then tell him to move too..... It blew up...after Farruhk went to Garviel and Waheed.... and all this bullshit over nothing, because he felt like behaving like a child; and then went to complain about it when he got treated as such.
2 events going on .... zone 7 for new account and then zone 54 with barclays ...and the parking lot, can't find utog dispatcher drama....and Barclays Manager calling.....big loops of nothing and lack of communication all around .... :: deep sighs ::....so annoying =_=""
We were stripped in the city before I even got a chance to sit down today. I had to worry about the live calls with no @ signs, showing passengers knew of the delays. And then worry about reservations to come, that will also be delayed. At the same time....missing 2 operators, not to mention my own Manager. It was just chaos....
All of this...and then Alex the boss calls me to his office....to finally get a chance to talk..... when it was the worst time to have a talk and drag me from my seat. Luckily, Garviel came in and got me out of there, since I didn't know when or how to interrupt the Boss's conversation with another person when I came in.
And before Waheed leaves....he tells me we have a 50 car party tomorrow. Which I have to put out the info. today...so we can be prepared tomorrow. =_=""
I was so glad when Alex said he called Zack to come back....it was around 5pm and he said in 20 minutes or so Zack would be back int he office. Barclays was mostly thanks to him and his efforts tonight. I was being spread so thin without any proper training for this role they just dropped on me. :: deep...deeeppp EXHALES !!::....
All of this.... while trying to put together Wendy's birthday surprise as well... and everything needed for coordination .... It was just crazy, hectic, and insane..... for lack of better words.
Thank god Zack was there, so I had a chance to go eat as well.... since I didn't even get a chance to order any food when I came in today, it was too crazy. (And I'm still only being compensated as a Dispatcher only, none for any of the roles they just dropped on me, esp. without proper training as well. ) I left the job and I forgot my own jacket =_="" .... sheeshh....and it's been nippy lately too :/
I miss having a seasoned Manager..... I missed Iskander, I miss Roni..... :: sighs ::....
Surprising Highlight of today: One of my Chinese Drivers, heard the exhaustion and dismay in my voice... asked me what was wrong, told her it was crazy today; next thing I know she told me that if I was to ever leave the company, she volunteers to go with me. But just to make sure it's a good company and she will come with :) and she said it all happy and cheerful. I was so surprised and kind of moved, and semi cheered up, to feel like I have a shoulder to cry on too and not just hear them complain all the time lol. It felt like I made a friend today, and it was real and not just on the level of using each other for work.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Feeling like a lost lamb since Roni left...
What authority and responsibilities do I have as Assistant Manager?
Who is going to train us for our new roles?
Everything is structured in such an unorthodox manner....it's really hard to function in Concord @_@" :: deep sighs ::...
Who is going to train us for our new roles?
Everything is structured in such an unorthodox manner....it's really hard to function in Concord @_@" :: deep sighs ::...
Concord... and it's bells and whistles...
Nothing but shitty end of the stick right now...and over working for the rate I'm being paid at the moment:
08/20/2013 Tues. --- I get a phone call from 136, who basically went off yelling at me, saying why I wrote him up; all because Joey put my name on the slip he wrote. He was also calling me a liar, since I denied having wrote that slip. (When I came in to help cover knock off last sunday // after I taught Drivers for over 2 hours prior to the 3-11pm shift of work. I was exhausted.)
08/21/2013 Wed. --- Rudy Announced My new title: Assistant Manager--, spoke w/Waheed too about raise..he said wait till Alex come back around 8/28th ... and Waheed said ESL class end at 6th class so 2 more
a week later.....
08/28/2013 Wed. --- Juan from zypsee app came and recorded my voice in Chinese, so the drivers can have a version they can understand on their phones. And I'm also asked to translate words visually for the app.
08/29/2013 Thurs. --- I get Audrey drama; embarrassing me in front of the whole floor...over some bullshit that doesn't even have anything to do with me. But her approach came off like she was trying to put me on the spot, for something that I might of made a mistake on. Annoyed me. (This can be confirmed with any dispatcher and or operator during my shift) // Same day translated for Grisha for a sign he wants to make for the insurance office downstairs.
08/30/2013 --- Fri. --- As per Alex the boss... since we trained Farruhk already, we will put him as a full time dispatcher on the team in the back roll with the rest of us.
Sat. my day off....besides Sundays....in my current schedule... ....... ...... ..... .....
09/01/2013 Sun. --- ESL w/Drivers from 12pm-2pm. But for these drivers I always work beyond the hours I get paid for and they know it. This class#6; I worked from 12-4pm and Concord will only be paying for 2 hours as promised. I thought was last class (class #6) until today lol after a meeting with Waheed (9/3)
09/02/2013 Mon. Labor Day --- I get Rudy calling out last minute cause he felt sick, when he knows I don't do flight check. But then getting dragged back in by Zack. But I can tell he did feel sick, and felt bad for being inadequate to put him at ease when he feels ill.
09/03/2013 Tues. --- While I stood waiting for Crystal to log out, Rudy came out to me telling how he's sorry but can't schedule work around my relationship; so I have to come in on Saturdays from now on until we hire and train someone who can be ready for that schedule (Tues-Sat).
When before Roni left, she and Waheed had a meeting with me about schedule changes. In short, in entails me getting Ruben's schedule and he gets the one they are trying to fill by making Rudy manager. And then Waheed told me no schedules changes for now. .... But now all this bullshit...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
We all got dealt with our current roles because Roni had to leave again, so none of us is properly trained for our current title in the company (Rudy and I). But trying to make it sound like it's about work and nothing personal, and no preferential treatment is just a complete pile of shit.
Farruhk was suppose to be the new comer that was to fill Rudy's old schedule, but because he has a part time job on the weekend, he can't. So we're working with and around him as well.
Ruben, I don't know why. Besides "Rudy, you're my boy right? " is how he approaches Rudy. Never worked a single holiday since we both came to the company. He slacks off whenever he can and work as slow as he can ---so his shift can be over and done with, while doing the minimal amount of work he is being paid for by hourly- regardless.
Yet.... I'm suppose to be dealt with the shitty end of the stick ....is what Rudy thought of last Friday; and now decided to do on a regular business day after Labor Day...which Ruben didn't volunteer and asked to be off again (though its one of our few paid holidays.)
I on the other hand.... has covered for multiple people, from different shifts and titles since I started (Ruben included.) And didn't miss a single holiday in our calendar year till the July 4th of this year.
Believe it or not, I hate having to travel by MTA on Sundays. Because it's the worse public transit day out of the week. All I'm asking is to be fair at least, like have us do alternate Saturdays --instead of just dumping it on me completely. Because I'm not your boy? Who's quick to throw you under the bus every chance he gets, just to cover his ass.
But I'm only your assistant manager at the job, which means I got your back as long as we're working????
What Rudy said to me today, it hurt. Because I like him as a person, and have respect for him as a dispatcher, esp. one that helped trained me as well. I thought better of him. I know schedule changes have been stressing him out since we got our new titles, but this just wasn't right. I've been trying to help him the best that I can since Roni left. I've even covered shifts when he couldn't get people to work it out with him, done majority of the dispatch training.
I feel kind of sick and tired of all the drama lately. I don't get paid enough for this shit. I'm thinking maybe let Ruben have my new title ...so he can really be like " Rudy...I'm your boy dude" lol ... let's see who got his back then... lol Snake ass mofo.
08/20/2013 Tues. --- I get a phone call from 136, who basically went off yelling at me, saying why I wrote him up; all because Joey put my name on the slip he wrote. He was also calling me a liar, since I denied having wrote that slip. (When I came in to help cover knock off last sunday // after I taught Drivers for over 2 hours prior to the 3-11pm shift of work. I was exhausted.)
08/21/2013 Wed. --- Rudy Announced My new title: Assistant Manager--, spoke w/Waheed too about raise..he said wait till Alex come back around 8/28th ... and Waheed said ESL class end at 6th class so 2 more
a week later.....
08/28/2013 Wed. --- Juan from zypsee app came and recorded my voice in Chinese, so the drivers can have a version they can understand on their phones. And I'm also asked to translate words visually for the app.
08/29/2013 Thurs. --- I get Audrey drama; embarrassing me in front of the whole floor...over some bullshit that doesn't even have anything to do with me. But her approach came off like she was trying to put me on the spot, for something that I might of made a mistake on. Annoyed me. (This can be confirmed with any dispatcher and or operator during my shift) // Same day translated for Grisha for a sign he wants to make for the insurance office downstairs.
08/30/2013 --- Fri. --- As per Alex the boss... since we trained Farruhk already, we will put him as a full time dispatcher on the team in the back roll with the rest of us.
Sat. my day off....besides Sundays....in my current schedule... ....... ...... ..... .....
09/01/2013 Sun. --- ESL w/Drivers from 12pm-2pm. But for these drivers I always work beyond the hours I get paid for and they know it. This class#6; I worked from 12-4pm and Concord will only be paying for 2 hours as promised. I thought was last class (class #6) until today lol after a meeting with Waheed (9/3)
09/02/2013 Mon. Labor Day --- I get Rudy calling out last minute cause he felt sick, when he knows I don't do flight check. But then getting dragged back in by Zack. But I can tell he did feel sick, and felt bad for being inadequate to put him at ease when he feels ill.
09/03/2013 Tues. --- While I stood waiting for Crystal to log out, Rudy came out to me telling how he's sorry but can't schedule work around my relationship; so I have to come in on Saturdays from now on until we hire and train someone who can be ready for that schedule (Tues-Sat).
When before Roni left, she and Waheed had a meeting with me about schedule changes. In short, in entails me getting Ruben's schedule and he gets the one they are trying to fill by making Rudy manager. And then Waheed told me no schedules changes for now. .... But now all this bullshit...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
We all got dealt with our current roles because Roni had to leave again, so none of us is properly trained for our current title in the company (Rudy and I). But trying to make it sound like it's about work and nothing personal, and no preferential treatment is just a complete pile of shit.
Farruhk was suppose to be the new comer that was to fill Rudy's old schedule, but because he has a part time job on the weekend, he can't. So we're working with and around him as well.
Ruben, I don't know why. Besides "Rudy, you're my boy right? " is how he approaches Rudy. Never worked a single holiday since we both came to the company. He slacks off whenever he can and work as slow as he can ---so his shift can be over and done with, while doing the minimal amount of work he is being paid for by hourly- regardless.
Yet.... I'm suppose to be dealt with the shitty end of the stick ....is what Rudy thought of last Friday; and now decided to do on a regular business day after Labor Day...which Ruben didn't volunteer and asked to be off again (though its one of our few paid holidays.)
I on the other hand.... has covered for multiple people, from different shifts and titles since I started (Ruben included.) And didn't miss a single holiday in our calendar year till the July 4th of this year.
Believe it or not, I hate having to travel by MTA on Sundays. Because it's the worse public transit day out of the week. All I'm asking is to be fair at least, like have us do alternate Saturdays --instead of just dumping it on me completely. Because I'm not your boy? Who's quick to throw you under the bus every chance he gets, just to cover his ass.
But I'm only your assistant manager at the job, which means I got your back as long as we're working????
What Rudy said to me today, it hurt. Because I like him as a person, and have respect for him as a dispatcher, esp. one that helped trained me as well. I thought better of him. I know schedule changes have been stressing him out since we got our new titles, but this just wasn't right. I've been trying to help him the best that I can since Roni left. I've even covered shifts when he couldn't get people to work it out with him, done majority of the dispatch training.
I feel kind of sick and tired of all the drama lately. I don't get paid enough for this shit. I'm thinking maybe let Ruben have my new title ...so he can really be like " Rudy...I'm your boy dude" lol ... let's see who got his back then... lol Snake ass mofo.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Unapologetically Franny
Year 2010 when I met Franny from working at Dish Network, located in College Point, Queens....
Mother of four, and married twice... dramatic life stories.... and mostly a very independently dependent single Mom; majority of the time.
Here I was hearing and then looking at a single mom, crying hysterically in fetal position, in the corner of a woman's bathroom at the job; which completely took away my need to take a piss at the time.
Got her car taken away because she had missed payments, while living in a shelter in Brooklyn at the time and working in Queens. (which is over 2 hours commute on public transportation.)
--------------------------------------------------------------Loaned her money out of my credit card's balance transfer program that charged 3% fee and then within a certain time limit to pay it back. If not paid in full during that limit, regular mostly fees would kick in as a killer punch in the face for owing money in the first place. (over 10% easily lol / monthly....for a fun snowball effect)
She got fired, then moved away to Florida...
I was laid off due to illness; and was unemployed for over 6 months. I spent that year desperately trying to make money, took on three occupational roles, while attending school to finish my degree. I've never been so exhausted in my entire life.
I was promised that I'll be paid back when she get her tax return that year.... Then year after year. I didn't see a penny nor a dime. But she had money for cigarettes, bubble teas, multiple family vacations, & sending a friend money and buying her gift for a new baby. (which she recently complained on the phone with me about couple of months ago.)
Not mentioning eating out, doing her nails before she even moved to Florida, while she was still in NYC.
---When I needed help getting out of an environment surrounded by Josh, and then Juan... she had been driving around her aunt's van all day? and decided to use me to fill the tank when all I needed was for her to come get me and then dropped me home, which is technically less than $15 for a cab right now to think of it. But she asked me for gas money. I gave her $20, because she needed to put something in the tank after driving around in it...... before I even called for help; Met her cousin that night. But I was hurt. The one time I asked for a favor, reached out and asked for help---- she asked me to pay for it basically. lol
---She was in a hospital ER due to her gall stones getting bad on her... I went out of my way, an over 2 hour commute, went to pick up her kids from school and then took all of them to Wyckoff Hospital. She was mad at me for getting there late, and that she could of asked somebody else.
I was hurt too, for not wanting her to go through things alone.
---There were minor things here and there.... but I never got on her case about it... my fault... I know. But only she would know why, because she says "because you're Jessy" // You wouldn't attack me when I'm going through a tough time basically.
Well.... since she moved away...from Florida...then to frigging Tennessee... army base home...
She has always asked me to visit, when I was coming... and if I had cost concerns, that I could just stay with her, and her mom could use her airline buddy passes to get me there...etc etc etc...and how she and the kids had missed me.... lol
Last year, she came for my birthday(7/16)... and paid for certains things. (Either the meal or at the hookah place, I just thought people split tabs. )
I was surprised she came, and surprised she paid. lol Well according to her she did, I didn't go verifying lol It'd be in poor taste. Besides Erick was and always be a cheapskate.
So this July rolled around, and we had been talking about me visiting her again and seeing the kids etc in Florida when she would go there celebrating her birthday and doing another family vacation. lol
I ended up booking round trip tickets to Florida that was over $400, because her mom was out of buddy passes.
Then I get a call telling me to book a hotel room, then she said I could sleep in the living room if I get an air mattress.
The day of my flight, Friday (7/19). I asked my manager for a day off of work.
I had to get up to get ready at 5am. She calls me at around 1am ish....
"Jessy are you still coming? " .... I knew she didn't want me to as soon as I heard that lol
Then she told me to book a hotel room again; so last minute of course the prices went up....Again. It was going to be over $200/$250 off the bat or so...and that's a shitty hotel/motel/ inn whatever thing....
Then she tells me she plans on leaving the house to go disneyland, magic kingdom in orlando florida at around 7am ish.... while she knows my flight lands at 11:10am at Tampa florida.
Mind you, Florida is a very cab-less state.... lol I looked up a shuttle...would cost $259....
She also had plans for sea world for Saturday, then Universal Studios on Sunday. All the tickets alone...hundreds of dollars...easily said... lol A 3 day weekend was going to about $1500 if not more, because everything was so last minute.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------No where in there was an apology tho... mostly her telling me family drama and how stressed she was... so just an explanation mostly and her venting. --------------------------
I ended up canceling my flight... which in Matt's math terms, was me eating the cost to prevent a nightmare weekend of me alone in a state I've never been to, and with no one to look out for me there. And him worrying about me.
(She sounded upset that I didn't discuss it with her and canceled my flight/ which I informed her by text.)
It was a stressful week, needless to say.... this crap...and Matt's crap...and money stresses me, always.
Days later ... I get a message on my Facebook inbox.... her asking me to Western Union her money.
(That night, I deactivated my Facebook ... took unlinked my google voice to the phone, and offlined my actual phone service. )
The following morning (7/24) I get missed calls and text messages from super early in the morning ... from her.
I was going through so much crap with Matt, and then her bullshit; it was the last straw.
For the first time in years... I had suicidal ideologies again... about bleeding myself dry in the bathtube... and then watching my blood filled the tiles of the bathroom floor. It made me very upset to realize the state I was in. I had nothing, but blood ties called family.
My birthday (7/28), which I had arranged a gathering of friends that Saturday of... on the 27th... which I was very close to calling it all off. Matt told me not to, said I should celebrate the day I was born.
I was so depressed, beyond words.
Everything else was all a fable of lies and fictional dramatizations.
I needed the support, from my friends... and I knew that; So I end up not calling it off and it was the worst birthday gathering ever arranged for me lol
Matt wasn't even going to be there for my birthday, because he screwed up and I didn't want to talk to him that Friday; let along everything else that was going on. I get a text from him four something in the morning saying he doesn't want to hurt me anymore.
But I wanted him there. I needed him there. So I made him go. lol
In short, I was in the state of "Fuck it !" I was mentally and emotionally unstable.
Her debt to me, money wise... about / if not --over $12,000....I stopped doing the math when it broke $11,500 and there was more things to add, since I had covered her and the kids when we went out etc etc
It was so stressful to relive and think of everything in my head.
3 years not a dime... but I've had to sit through all sorts of things because of this woman and for this woman. Frankly, I think she's maxed out the credit limit, that she didn't even have to begin with. I just have a soft spot for single mom, and their kids I guess. lol
I've had friends and family, even acquaintances and a shrink, that tried straightening me out, understand why, while making me feel awful all at the same time. I understood their point, I did the same thing in my head before they jumped on board too, to be apart of my inner voice of harshness.
In short, people just aren't worth it. I'm over it. Fuck it.
I'm disgusted.
Mother of four, and married twice... dramatic life stories.... and mostly a very independently dependent single Mom; majority of the time.
Here I was hearing and then looking at a single mom, crying hysterically in fetal position, in the corner of a woman's bathroom at the job; which completely took away my need to take a piss at the time.
Got her car taken away because she had missed payments, while living in a shelter in Brooklyn at the time and working in Queens. (which is over 2 hours commute on public transportation.)
--------------------------------------------------------------Loaned her money out of my credit card's balance transfer program that charged 3% fee and then within a certain time limit to pay it back. If not paid in full during that limit, regular mostly fees would kick in as a killer punch in the face for owing money in the first place. (over 10% easily lol / monthly....for a fun snowball effect)
She got fired, then moved away to Florida...
I was laid off due to illness; and was unemployed for over 6 months. I spent that year desperately trying to make money, took on three occupational roles, while attending school to finish my degree. I've never been so exhausted in my entire life.
I was promised that I'll be paid back when she get her tax return that year.... Then year after year. I didn't see a penny nor a dime. But she had money for cigarettes, bubble teas, multiple family vacations, & sending a friend money and buying her gift for a new baby. (which she recently complained on the phone with me about couple of months ago.)
Not mentioning eating out, doing her nails before she even moved to Florida, while she was still in NYC.
---When I needed help getting out of an environment surrounded by Josh, and then Juan... she had been driving around her aunt's van all day? and decided to use me to fill the tank when all I needed was for her to come get me and then dropped me home, which is technically less than $15 for a cab right now to think of it. But she asked me for gas money. I gave her $20, because she needed to put something in the tank after driving around in it...... before I even called for help; Met her cousin that night. But I was hurt. The one time I asked for a favor, reached out and asked for help---- she asked me to pay for it basically. lol
---She was in a hospital ER due to her gall stones getting bad on her... I went out of my way, an over 2 hour commute, went to pick up her kids from school and then took all of them to Wyckoff Hospital. She was mad at me for getting there late, and that she could of asked somebody else.
I was hurt too, for not wanting her to go through things alone.
---There were minor things here and there.... but I never got on her case about it... my fault... I know. But only she would know why, because she says "because you're Jessy" // You wouldn't attack me when I'm going through a tough time basically.
Well.... since she moved away...from Florida...then to frigging Tennessee... army base home...
She has always asked me to visit, when I was coming... and if I had cost concerns, that I could just stay with her, and her mom could use her airline buddy passes to get me there...etc etc etc...and how she and the kids had missed me.... lol
Last year, she came for my birthday(7/16)... and paid for certains things. (Either the meal or at the hookah place, I just thought people split tabs. )
I was surprised she came, and surprised she paid. lol Well according to her she did, I didn't go verifying lol It'd be in poor taste. Besides Erick was and always be a cheapskate.
So this July rolled around, and we had been talking about me visiting her again and seeing the kids etc in Florida when she would go there celebrating her birthday and doing another family vacation. lol
I ended up booking round trip tickets to Florida that was over $400, because her mom was out of buddy passes.
Then I get a call telling me to book a hotel room, then she said I could sleep in the living room if I get an air mattress.
The day of my flight, Friday (7/19). I asked my manager for a day off of work.
I had to get up to get ready at 5am. She calls me at around 1am ish....
"Jessy are you still coming? " .... I knew she didn't want me to as soon as I heard that lol
Then she told me to book a hotel room again; so last minute of course the prices went up....Again. It was going to be over $200/$250 off the bat or so...and that's a shitty hotel/motel/ inn whatever thing....
Then she tells me she plans on leaving the house to go disneyland, magic kingdom in orlando florida at around 7am ish.... while she knows my flight lands at 11:10am at Tampa florida.
Mind you, Florida is a very cab-less state.... lol I looked up a shuttle...would cost $259....
She also had plans for sea world for Saturday, then Universal Studios on Sunday. All the tickets alone...hundreds of dollars...easily said... lol A 3 day weekend was going to about $1500 if not more, because everything was so last minute.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------No where in there was an apology tho... mostly her telling me family drama and how stressed she was... so just an explanation mostly and her venting. --------------------------
I ended up canceling my flight... which in Matt's math terms, was me eating the cost to prevent a nightmare weekend of me alone in a state I've never been to, and with no one to look out for me there. And him worrying about me.
(She sounded upset that I didn't discuss it with her and canceled my flight/ which I informed her by text.)
It was a stressful week, needless to say.... this crap...and Matt's crap...and money stresses me, always.
Days later ... I get a message on my Facebook inbox.... her asking me to Western Union her money.
(That night, I deactivated my Facebook ... took unlinked my google voice to the phone, and offlined my actual phone service. )
The following morning (7/24) I get missed calls and text messages from super early in the morning ... from her.
I was going through so much crap with Matt, and then her bullshit; it was the last straw.
For the first time in years... I had suicidal ideologies again... about bleeding myself dry in the bathtube... and then watching my blood filled the tiles of the bathroom floor. It made me very upset to realize the state I was in. I had nothing, but blood ties called family.
My birthday (7/28), which I had arranged a gathering of friends that Saturday of... on the 27th... which I was very close to calling it all off. Matt told me not to, said I should celebrate the day I was born.
I was so depressed, beyond words.
Everything else was all a fable of lies and fictional dramatizations.
I needed the support, from my friends... and I knew that; So I end up not calling it off and it was the worst birthday gathering ever arranged for me lol
Matt wasn't even going to be there for my birthday, because he screwed up and I didn't want to talk to him that Friday; let along everything else that was going on. I get a text from him four something in the morning saying he doesn't want to hurt me anymore.
But I wanted him there. I needed him there. So I made him go. lol
In short, I was in the state of "Fuck it !" I was mentally and emotionally unstable.
Her debt to me, money wise... about / if not --over $12,000....I stopped doing the math when it broke $11,500 and there was more things to add, since I had covered her and the kids when we went out etc etc
It was so stressful to relive and think of everything in my head.
3 years not a dime... but I've had to sit through all sorts of things because of this woman and for this woman. Frankly, I think she's maxed out the credit limit, that she didn't even have to begin with. I just have a soft spot for single mom, and their kids I guess. lol
I've had friends and family, even acquaintances and a shrink, that tried straightening me out, understand why, while making me feel awful all at the same time. I understood their point, I did the same thing in my head before they jumped on board too, to be apart of my inner voice of harshness.
In short, people just aren't worth it. I'm over it. Fuck it.
I'm disgusted.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Xanga is ending...
And I haven't produced any work since I left school....
Maybe this thing shall become my new replacement journal site.... unless I go back to livejournal .. lol
But frankly, can't believe they are shutting down xanga...been using that thing for like 10yrs nows @_@
Maybe this thing shall become my new replacement journal site.... unless I go back to livejournal .. lol
But frankly, can't believe they are shutting down xanga...been using that thing for like 10yrs nows @_@
Monday, May 13, 2013
A Mother's day, without a mother in the house
This must be a bad year lol First time mommy's not here for her own bday and now Mother's day. She said they won't be coming home soon from the way it seems, since my Grandparents aren't in the best of conditions right now. Grandma has gallbladder stones that has formed beyond just in that organ, and in all different sizes. @_@" ... She needs surgery but her health condition hinders that option. Chinese herbal meds as a surgery free alternative, but her body still can't handle it. I really hope they can come back to New York soon, at least the medical facilities would put part of our minds at ease.
Also told mom about recent things with Matt, since she asked about him. Was that my mom's subtle way of being mad? since she always sounds so even tempered? lol that's my mom for ya ... just nice. Daddy got on the phone trying to calm the conversation, and getting blamed for taking his side lol Just got put in the same category just for being male lol ... kind of funny lol And then there's my dad going ...what did i do? lol hahahhaa oh man... just too amusing. Then mom's mad at him? and they both tried to tell each other to butt out and chill...it's just funny hahha I love my parents. I don't know what I would do without them.
The only good thing would be I got away with crying for a day and a half without her here. She would of been in my room with wet and dry paper towels and a wet towel, trying to get me to stop crying, and making my eyes swollen and blood shot, then allergic to my own skin. I miss my mommy. She would of been in there just looking at my face seeing an expression she deems fishy, or hearing me cry from the next room..even tho I keep it low volume nowadays. She would just pop up lol, I even questioned if she had some kind of ultra sound bat hearing lol. My mom's amazing.
Also told mom about recent things with Matt, since she asked about him. Was that my mom's subtle way of being mad? since she always sounds so even tempered? lol that's my mom for ya ... just nice. Daddy got on the phone trying to calm the conversation, and getting blamed for taking his side lol Just got put in the same category just for being male lol ... kind of funny lol And then there's my dad going ...what did i do? lol hahahhaa oh man... just too amusing. Then mom's mad at him? and they both tried to tell each other to butt out and chill...it's just funny hahha I love my parents. I don't know what I would do without them.
The only good thing would be I got away with crying for a day and a half without her here. She would of been in my room with wet and dry paper towels and a wet towel, trying to get me to stop crying, and making my eyes swollen and blood shot, then allergic to my own skin. I miss my mommy. She would of been in there just looking at my face seeing an expression she deems fishy, or hearing me cry from the next room..even tho I keep it low volume nowadays. She would just pop up lol, I even questioned if she had some kind of ultra sound bat hearing lol. My mom's amazing.
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