My 1st Art Patron

03/31/2021, today was a special day. A day I didn't think I'd get to see while alive. Someone purchased one of my artworks for the first time. I was overjoyed. 

 The funny thing is that I didn't even list my artworks for sale online anymore.  I haven't even tries to sell my artwork since  I was still in college.  This was a very pleasant surprise. 

I am grateful. I even received feedback for the work I sold.  

The saying is that, beauty is in the eye of the beholder; And since he was going to be the one looking at this piece of work on his wall from this point forward; through his eyes, what he sees, completes my creation.

I had a surprising realization about what this work meant to me, and how / what kind of attachment I had towards it.

 I originally thought I had zero attachment towards this piece, which was why I was OK with selling it.

But when I started thinking of a title to name it; I realized, it carried my relationship with Juan. My high school sweetheart, and one of the most painful love of my life.

 I used the flowers he gave me to make this artwork.  The flowers after it had dried ...

It still deteriorates after its death...  felt kind of poetic..... watching a leaf fall off of it... and crumbled a bit as it landed on my basement tiles..... 

 I had mourned our relationship and him like a widow from a forcibly dissolved marriage...

"My Almost Family"

Side note:

I was told I undersold my work and it's  monetary value. 😅 sheeessshhhh

Secondly, a lot of people seems to have a highly regarded and perceived opinion of this artwork. It's definitely more than I did or do right now lol so weird. 

But I have realized that my work with color, all have looked fantastic after I've digitally turned them black and white. I loved it so much more than when it was in vibrant, loud or dark colors.

Briggs Myers vs Big 5 Personality Traits

Discriminative

Dying.

Dying to win and risking death to win...

Are completely different, Megumi.

Give it your best.

Be greedier. 

From Anime: Jujutsu Kaisen

Match 3/12/2021

What are you passionate about?

What ignites you spirit?

What makes you happy?

What won't you give up no matter what happens?

Jane Ku Yeh (古家灵) (3/7/2021)

I'm going to miss you for the rest of my life. 

I love you, always Janey. 

You're my best friend, my sister, and my best meal companion. 

You're my kin, my "person". 

I haven't had that in over a decade. 

You meant more to me than I consciously realized. I'm physically sick right now, with varies manifested symptoms. 

There's so many things in the world that reminds me of you.

We had so many plans, unfulfilled; And it wasn't just for 2021. 

You wanted to travel and vacation together for years. You and all your Groupon browsing...every time you saw a good deal. Lol

You kept on trying to talk me into buying an LV, even though I told you it looks ugly as hell. (And only the White LV series was tolerable)

I can't believe I'll never have another birthday with you there. 

It's your birthday this month. 

You would of turned 42 and told me you want a spa day together. Then proceed to suggestively toss in a sly move for me to pay for your meal (as if I wasn't going to lol).

I can't believe you're gone. 

I don't want to. I'm not ready. I'm never going to be.

You know how hard it is to make "actual" friends in adulthood??? Let alone, a best friend?? Janey...

I didn't even know you were going to be in an induced coma the last time we spoke. You didn't spill the beans on how critical your condition was. And here I thought you were being dramatic for getting a procedure done. 

I guessed that you didn't want me to worry and freak out; which I did anyways when I didn't hear from you for 2 days. I ended up calling the ICU just to make sure you're alive. They told me you were sleeping at first. I was actually relieved you were finally getting some shut eye. 

It was so surreal to wake up to a message on Yelp, from Jando, telling me you had gone...you didn't make it...at 8/830am in the morning. I was half awake. It wasn't until I walked into the bathroom, and sat down, then tears just came running down like a loose faucet...

And then having to explain to my dad why I'm crying uncontrollably first thing in the morning..... after stumbling out of my room.

I haven't been this upset in a long time. 

I'm literally mourning in every way..... 

I spent the first two and a half days crying uncontrollably, and inconsolable...

I lost my appetite for food and haven't been able to sleep right, even with medication (You overpowered Ambien woman!!...*sighs*). 

I had spoken to a nurse from the ICU the week prior and was told you were fine ...

I feel like a ship without a coast to dock by...

I'm unwilling to let you go. 

Who am I going to share and talk to at 4/5am ...about food and all things random (upon our whimsy...lol )

We've only known each other for roughly 3 years or so... 

That is not enough Janey...

We were supposed to age together...like two old biddies....and now I have to picture every turn of life without you... 

when and where I know you should be ......

My chest hurts... and it's not my afib lol

I've been getting flashbacks of you in our various encounters. The kids... 

Your munchkins... with all those fluffy little cheeks on their faces ... 

Looking just like their mom... :)

It was bitter sweet to go through your Yelp and Facebook postings, before I went through other online account postings. 

You are so loved. And by some many people. I hope you left this world knowing that as a statement of fact. 

To be continued....

.....

3/16

There's not enough things in this world to fill the void you left in my heart.

I miss you so much.

Love

Youm: It's natural to want to protect the one you love, isn't it?

Muylan: The Myulan you've known all this time was just a pretense created to deceive you! The "one you love" doesn't even exist!

Youm: Don't worry, Myulan.

Youm: I'll fall for your deceit until the day I die.
If you believe it until the very end, it's no different from the truth.

From Anime: 

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime (S02EP29)

Grandparents

Grandpa's blood sugar just suddenly dropped to 18... he was covered in sweat that soaked through his shirt and undershirt. 

And he still had enough sweat on him to dampen 5 strip pieces of paper towels... :(

...

Grandma is looking more emaciated everyday, even though her fractures are healing. 

I've never seen grandma so skin and bones my entire life. 

All of this is too much. 

I cant... 

I know I'm supposed to "feel" all this in order to move forward 

But I can't...

I just cant.......

**********

I want to call ICU again to check on Jane, but I'm afraid to know anymore bad news...