Good Intentions

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions..."

11-23-2017

Burdensome

Sometimes....

Like right now..... I just feel like my existence is excessive ...

Excessive from the very beginning....

Unplanned.
Unwanted.
Unneeded.

Every blame
Every time I felt like a punching bag
Every time I felt hurt but the response I got was "so what"..."what if I did...What you going to do about it"

That old feeling of wanting to cut myself....So I can do something about it...

我活着好累
我活着很孤单
我活得很空虚
我活着很难过
我活得很失败
我很多余。。。活得很没尊严

Theres no tomorrow that didnt start from today..

Process of accumulation....

感性 vs 理性
Sensibility vs Rationality

Responsibility vs Burden

Family is our Responsibility, but not our Burden

How to tell them apart...

Responsibility is to let your family become better...Improving every day life

Burdens
Is in order to let them become, "live better" but you're living worse....
Their well being, being built on your dentrments, that's a burden.

Don't let family become the blood sucking leeches of your life...
And think you're taking care of them...

Educate them..
Not spoil them...

How ya living? How am i living?

I won't have a problem if you aim high and miss. But Imma have a real issue if you aim low and hit.
-Michangelo

If you think you can or think you can't, you're right."
Henry Ford

You'd rather be an hour early, than a minute late..

"You are what you repeatedly do"
Aristotle
Therefore excellence ought to be a habit, not an act. Don't ever forget that."

"Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity"

"Pride is the burden of a foolish person."

Dumb enough to Believe You

My innate nature is to think the better of people and give them the benefit of the doubt.....Which I have oh so many of....

Some fail me intentionally with alterior motives...
Others fail carelessly....Obviously....Stupidly....

It's all very disappointing....

You have been weighed.
You have been measured.
And you absolutely ... Have been found wanting....

The Progression....

          Last Thursday... 9-22-2016, was when I spoke with my Manager about this bullying situation again....in person. And then I was off...and Sat. I called out since I just got sick and sicker...from this cold/flu that's still here and not gone yet.... And then Sunday... 09-25-2016; apparently it's been all over the gossip news at my job lol (SW) came to me about the mediation thing that she was told about and etc etc....

And then today.... (YY) came to be..."trying to be nice" ? i don't know? ....
But apparently... the story have been turned on me ... lol ...She's under the impression that I have a problem with (W) But the truth is, she's the one with some issue(s)/obsession with me for god knows why or for what reason(s) ??   the person that won't stop picking on me... for any and every little thing...

The funny part is.... (YY) gave me an example .... which was me not working the way she wanted me to work.... which was her way ...her preference....

The same problem (F) had with me at first.... and picked on me for.

Maybe this is the trend with my job?

If you don't blend in.... and behave like a puppy that just learned a new trick...you get ostracized from the group... lol ...

Nothing much has changed since I got hired .... it's still like H.S..... little cliques..... and then the popular will perform freshmen hazing on you...until the dub you hufflepuff...gryffindor...ravenclaw,  or slytherin ....then your punishment for being different from them will be dished out accordingly.... @_@"

:: rolls eyes...:::...this is so childish!!
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There was a new hire there on the 3rd floor today.... she was being trained....and dumped with shredding duty like we were ....

And so it begins...again...


....I have a lot of thoughts ....  a ton of internal turmoil ...... and not enough words for the anguish felt, endured...and still enduring at this place ...

...............................................................................................................................................
          At least my job isn't completely miserable.... I've been here long enough to recognize some regular faces and vice versa.... They're happy to see me, and the feeling is mutual....  now if my job wasn't a medical facility... i'd be much happier to see them when they visit often lol

I also apologized to (P) today for the trouble I caused lately, which I felt and still feel bad about. But her response towards my apology wasn't what I expected at all.... She hugged me. And told me not to worry about it, and it's water under the bridge. She explained why she was upset and we came to an understanding of each other's positions.
She probably didn't know she was the highlight of my day.... just when I thought there was all but dark corners .... she showed me kindness. It really helped me through the day.
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Silver lining of the days to come... lol trying to cheer myself up ....

It's the end of September.... soon ... it'll be Oct...Nov. and Dec.... and all the major holidays will be upon us.

We're closed Nov. 26th Thanksgiving...
Dec. 25(Sunday), 26th(Monday) Closed.. ( Xmas Eve  and; 12/31 New Year's Eve  we close early or only do day shifts)
And for some reason 27th was also closed last year... but not this year.

1/1st (Sunday) and 2nd (Monday)... we're closed...

1/16th, 2017 (Monday)..Martin Luther King Day...a day off... or trade it for a day of your choosing...

1/28th Chinese New Year..(Saturday)

Feb. 20th, 2017 (Monday)..President's Day ...a day off... or trade it for a day of your choosing...

4/16/2017 Easter (Sunday)= Closed

Annually, this is what we get as full time employees:
10 vacation days ; 2 personal days ; 6 sick days ; 8 holidays
So far I used 4 Vacation Days and I PD..... my mom didn't raise a quitter ... but if I were to back out and give up ... I should probably use my days up... .. :: deeps sighs ... ::...