Here's your freedom.

I don't want to have to wonder where you are when I don't see you and if it's really where you are or were at
I don't want to keep feeling like a crazy person all day and night thinking what you might be doing behind my back, or who you might actually be with.
I don't want to sit through this torture anymore.
All this paranoia you've caused, has been driving me nuts.
As much as I tried to suppress it, it's just too much to bare, esp. for a prolonged amount of time; as much as I love you.
I don't enjoy, being an paranoid, angry, and a resentful bitch, all because of how hurt I am by you. All because I love you, and or perhaps cares too much about you.

And on top of that, knowing you choose to quit, just like that.... really made me feel like it wasn't worth it, the more I kept on thinking and thinking.... I felt stupid for fighting so hard, and for what? I don't know. I have to fight with myself each and every day since I found out everything was a lie, and how it continued to be a lie since you didn't stop. And a good part of my instincts tells me you haven't neither. I can't even be 100% sure if who I fell in love with is actually the person you are or pretended to be. But to have to fight with you too.... feels like I'm forcing you into something you're not, or want to participate in this relationship when we both don't have to.

If it was for me... like you said... to not hurt me anymore.
You could of kept it honest, or at least tell me why in truth and then explained yourself fully. Or keep your words.
That's all I've ever asked from you.

I don't like ultimatums or even the thought of not being with you. But you keep telling me that you'll do something when you won't and just don't.
I don't want to chase after your promises anymore like a debt collector. It's very exhausting and it's not an occupation I'd ever sign up for.


But as of right now,

Let's be apart, until you do, and we'll stay apart if you happen to decide not to, as usual. It's okay.
I don't have to be your future, you know that. I can be, just apart of your past from this minute forward like you had chosen before; You're not stuck to me nor with me.
This is for your convenience, ease, and comfort, and you can quote me again like you did. Here's your freedom.
I don't know what you want from this, or what you want from me.... but the choice to fight or flight is always on the table for everyone.

I do love you, very much. I just don't know how to continue like this.