Ready for Disappointment

I can't look at you right now. Instant tear jerker. 

You think I'm mad at you for not coming to see me in 4 days and perhaps we're fighting over something small again like before; which led to us splitting ways the first time (Nov. 21, 2013). 

But I've been fighting the split up over major reasons since last summer.  

I don't believe you want to be with me more than anything. 

I don't believe you actually want this, like you say you do; like many things you said you will do but don't. 

I don't believe you. I can't trust you. 

I've been driving myself nuts for over 7 months (since June 2, 2012) , because of you.  

This is not something small. It led us to fight over small things, but the root of the problem is huge.  

I haven't felt loved for a while now. 

(You made a promise to me that you'll quit smoking, lied about how often you smoked during the process.) 

You walking out on me to go smoke, really triggered it. You told me you got bored, so you left to go smoke, without even letting me know you had left the house. (Nice to know all you need is boredom to break a promise.)  I had to come downstairs looking for you, just to find nothing.  (So much for " I wait for you all my life" lol) The first day of the New Yr, it felt like a reality check.  

You decided to walk out on me in Nov. and gave me some bullshit reason. Then we got back together cause how miserable we felt lol 

This feels like such a joke.  

The only person who has ever lived up to the ultimatum proposal, after a relationship ended, was Moises.  Nobody else. 

So the chances of "us" after today, skinny to none. lol  

Like you said, I deserve more and not feeling like I'm getting the petty end of the affection you're willing to give me.

You never ran after me when I left hurt, by you; Instead you would always let me go off, by myself, alone. 

You never gave me an explanation that wasn't filled with holes and room for more doubt. 

And you def. should of never... left a paranoid person this amount of free time, to go crazy in their mind on their on.... Insanity isn't that hard to reach, but you are. 

Thurs: You told me you were too tired after work, so you went straight home.... even tho I'm on the way... 

Fri.     You told me you felt sick after work, so you went straight home.... even tho I'm on the way... and could of given you some antibiotics.

Sat.    You told me when you woke up, that you felt really sick still, and Grandma's tea wasn't working.... we both agreed bedrest was the best for you, besides antibiotics (Your aunt would get for you). 

Sun.    You told me when you woke up, that you feel better, the sound of your voice was recovering and you were finally watching Sunday football after 12 years. 

All I said was I was going to sulk a bit... and you went off ... in defensive mode.  (If you're this sick and tired of me, of us, why prolong it? why get back together in the first place, wasn't it why you really decided to end it in the first place?  ) 

I just wanted some attention from you, since haven't seen you in three days short of a week. But you tried to make me feel bad about wanting to see you. God forbid you pampered me just a bit.... lol To think I was thinking to take a trip to Brooklyn, but you didn't want to be with me on your days off; I guess football means more, esp. after missing it for 12yrs. Why would I matter...someone you don't even know for 2 yrs yet. :: scoffs ::.. You always knew just how to make a girl feel loved, endlessly... just like that stupid game you bought.

I don't want to be like Mary, and Franny; in a relationship dealing with a guy that they have to spy and check up on a regular basis; being crazy... wanting to check their e-mails, the phones, their facebook....etc etc... It's not me nor who I ever would want to become.  

-----------------------------------------------------------Side note
(Can't believe this translation @_@" , it's awful // 娇气 = (temperamental)) and 撒娇 = (Play the woman)  // no accuracy at all...jesus...

Oh wait...found better translations for 撒娇
acting coquettishly lol 
throwing a tantrum, or a hissy fit lol
I preferred the term, pampering, indulging in bratty spoiled behavior...for translation :)  

In context: 
With parents it is acting like a small child and being a spoiled brat. 
With a boyfriend is being flirtatious, teasing your bf etc..