The Progression....

          Last Thursday... 9-22-2016, was when I spoke with my Manager about this bullying situation again....in person. And then I was off...and Sat. I called out since I just got sick and sicker...from this cold/flu that's still here and not gone yet.... And then Sunday... 09-25-2016; apparently it's been all over the gossip news at my job lol (SW) came to me about the mediation thing that she was told about and etc etc....

And then today.... (YY) came to be..."trying to be nice" ? i don't know? ....
But apparently... the story have been turned on me ... lol ...She's under the impression that I have a problem with (W) But the truth is, she's the one with some issue(s)/obsession with me for god knows why or for what reason(s) ??   the person that won't stop picking on me... for any and every little thing...

The funny part is.... (YY) gave me an example .... which was me not working the way she wanted me to work.... which was her way ...her preference....

The same problem (F) had with me at first.... and picked on me for.

Maybe this is the trend with my job?

If you don't blend in.... and behave like a puppy that just learned a new trick...you get ostracized from the group... lol ...

Nothing much has changed since I got hired .... it's still like H.S..... little cliques..... and then the popular will perform freshmen hazing on you...until the dub you hufflepuff...gryffindor...ravenclaw,  or slytherin ....then your punishment for being different from them will be dished out accordingly.... @_@"

:: rolls eyes...:::...this is so childish!!
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There was a new hire there on the 3rd floor today.... she was being trained....and dumped with shredding duty like we were ....

And so it begins...again...


....I have a lot of thoughts ....  a ton of internal turmoil ...... and not enough words for the anguish felt, endured...and still enduring at this place ...

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          At least my job isn't completely miserable.... I've been here long enough to recognize some regular faces and vice versa.... They're happy to see me, and the feeling is mutual....  now if my job wasn't a medical facility... i'd be much happier to see them when they visit often lol

I also apologized to (P) today for the trouble I caused lately, which I felt and still feel bad about. But her response towards my apology wasn't what I expected at all.... She hugged me. And told me not to worry about it, and it's water under the bridge. She explained why she was upset and we came to an understanding of each other's positions.
She probably didn't know she was the highlight of my day.... just when I thought there was all but dark corners .... she showed me kindness. It really helped me through the day.
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Silver lining of the days to come... lol trying to cheer myself up ....

It's the end of September.... soon ... it'll be Oct...Nov. and Dec.... and all the major holidays will be upon us.

We're closed Nov. 26th Thanksgiving...
Dec. 25(Sunday), 26th(Monday) Closed.. ( Xmas Eve  and; 12/31 New Year's Eve  we close early or only do day shifts)
And for some reason 27th was also closed last year... but not this year.

1/1st (Sunday) and 2nd (Monday)... we're closed...

1/16th, 2017 (Monday)..Martin Luther King Day...a day off... or trade it for a day of your choosing...

1/28th Chinese New Year..(Saturday)

Feb. 20th, 2017 (Monday)..President's Day ...a day off... or trade it for a day of your choosing...

4/16/2017 Easter (Sunday)= Closed

Annually, this is what we get as full time employees:
10 vacation days ; 2 personal days ; 6 sick days ; 8 holidays
So far I used 4 Vacation Days and I PD..... my mom didn't raise a quitter ... but if I were to back out and give up ... I should probably use my days up... .. :: deeps sighs ... ::...

Hostile Work Environment & Bullying

               A little background story here. I've been making money since before the age of 14. I started having jobs since that age and I haven't stopped earning an income. I've been working for about half of my life. I come from a long line of workaholics....who likes to bury themselves in work. When we're depressed, we work even more..... So when my job becomes the source of my depression, I was left with no place to turn.

I started working at my current job on June 11th, 2015. My interview was conducted by our current manager;  my interview at 12pm on June 4th, 2015

I only got to watch what my job entailed for 1 day and then training for about 2weeks, and then it was the standard 3 months probation period. I observed and watched how much drama.... this place had going on.... a lot of snitching on each other over every little thing.... until I realized, it was mainly one person instigating the drama.

I was already being bullied before my probation period even ended.... I spoke to my manager about that. The first time I spoke to her about it, it was 09-4th- 2015, I broke down and cried in her office .... she said she would talk to those involved....  One male, and One female. ...

          The following days, weeks to months... was awkward.... and retaliation occurred out of spite... but that was expected.
But the guy that didn't like me for his reasons, resolved his dismay with me and we've been fine. We're on friendly terms. But the female one.... is relentless on picking on me every chance she gets and can get away with.... lol ... to a point that the guy who didn't like me, says he hates my guts.... told me he don't understand why she has it out for me... lol But even he told me to just quit or look for another job because it was a pointless endeavor...since this girl is friends with the assistant manager and the manager. He told me there's been complaints about her.... but nothing ever happens...so people just gave up..... since they're like best friends....

--- I don't come to work to start trouble because we spend at least 40 hours a week with each other, there's really no need for that mess. I see my co-workers more than my own family during the week. But this girl just won't leave me alone. And it's been over a year....
I email-ed my manager about it July 7th, 2016.... because I wanted a paper trail about this....
It's now Sept.22nd.... and I never got an e-mail response from my manager... and this girl still bullies me. So I went to my to speak to my manager today, and I was basically told that she doesn't know what I'm talking about lol .... with folded arms and legs in a seating position.... defensive body language... she defended her friend. (admirable, but inappropriate)

How has she been bullying you? What do you mean by picking on you? ( like I didn't give her enough examples in the past year lol) She was simply doing her job by showing you your mistakes. ... (this was when her facial reaction changed.... like a proud point was being made lol)

She taped a mistake i made, written in bold sharpie and on a 8 1/2 by 11" printer paper; My manager said " so you wouldn't miss it....." (when before it was all stickie size papers? for everyone else...in like the past year of my whole working history.... and not like we're posting a job opening or making a public announcement at the workplace?!?!? )

How is someone with the same job title as me, have the right to interrogate me??
When did you clock out? Where were you?

When I said it's not just me though, other people see it too.... But as soon as she asked me who? I knew I couldn't name anyone without getting anyone in trouble. ....:: deep sighs ..::...

All I know is .... what I hear on the day to day about her.... somehow became complaints about me when I end up to my Manager's office. Technicians have been complaining about me for the past 3weeks or so.... but when I ask for examples... she said just my attitude.... defensive and not cooperative when asked to do translations. Like...huh? what are you talking about? She said the technician manager and her self was taken back when they heard the complaints because they know how I usually am....



No words could express the amount of anguish I felt during this conversation.... all I could do was cry shortly after leaving her office.

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I just feel like the world went 180 on me tonight....Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, I make errors .... there's no way you can make me feel like it's been all in my head when I've been bullied by this crazy obsessed female for over a whole damn year !!!  esp. when I don't even know why she has it out for me???

I do know however....know that I have handled it as professional as I possibly could at the workplace in regards to this (I haven't snapped at this girl once...came close a few times) , and in her office today. I requested for mistakes to only be taken up with my by my higher ups and no one of my peers... esp. her. (Esp. when My manager don't see how she bullies me, I want to be extra fair to her too lol) I don't appreciate someone speaking to me in a condescending manner. My manager said she will try to accommodate to that, but she looked surprised to my proposal lol
I even asked her to mediate between the two of us .... because it's really unnecessary for all this nonsense that she has started all by herself.

Re: Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu Episode 22 (20mins in..)

I am sure that many thoughts are running through your mind right now.
And I am certain none are superficial.
But while this may be inelegant of me, I must say this.

Fight!

Even if you have regrets,
even if you have remorse, you must fight.
If you have made the decision for yourself to fight, to struggle, then fight with all you have.

Do not give up for one second. One moment, or one instant.
Cling greedily to the victory you have within your sight.
If you can still stand, if your fingers still move, if all your teeth have not broken.
Stand and fight.
You must fight.

NS: You're telling me to get stronger?

No.

I am telling you to be strong. 

Ready to go?

Alone vs Partnered

I never fully understood why she embedded her whole life in work... To a point I felt like she left me with no place in her life anymore...

But now I realized why....

We can feel alone in a crowd...or be in a relationship and be completely single...or have a family... But only a leaf or a branch on that tree while parts of it keeps growing or withers away.

She's been divorced for over twenty years... Her parents have been gone for even longer...and what's left of her is her siblings who has also branched off to have their own lives and formed their own families. But while her only child is on the other side of this earth... All she had left was work.

Work filled her time... Made her apart of something... Be it a functional team or not... But it filled a void. She had something to distract herself with... So no wonder why she dislikes the thought of retirement... She'll be forced to face her reality... Tho its been real this entire time...

A career woman.... A mom.... A wife... A sister.... A daughter...

A single entity in a multiplex.

Alone. Like an all in one gadget...a one gadget person army base.

At least she had a career... A child... A husband... A family ... A few close friends...
A new generation is suppose to be better than the old...    Not envious... Lol

Feelings.... Like uncontrollable water current...

I digress...
In conclusion... Alone vs partnered :
Someone to take care of and someone to take care of you.