Trust

"Trust only lasts until someone involved changes their mind." 

Tukasa 

Anime: Pet ep07 Revenge 

Pfizer Vaccine - Covid-19

April 30th, 2021, Friday, about 2PM I left the vaccination site. 

My arm where the shot was, it didn't hurt at first but it gradually started to hurt as hours went on. But I learned my lesson from the first shot, pick the arm you don't end up sleeping on the most. 

930PM - Updates : I'm feeling a little bit of head discomfort and I'm feeling warm. However, my body temperature is still within  normal range. I'm currently 98.2 degrees (F).

My 1st Art Patron

03/31/2021, today was a special day. A day I didn't think I'd get to see while alive. Someone purchased one of my artworks for the first time. I was overjoyed. 

 The funny thing is that I didn't even list my artworks for sale online anymore.  I haven't even tries to sell my artwork since  I was still in college.  This was a very pleasant surprise. 

I am grateful. I even received feedback for the work I sold.  

The saying is that, beauty is in the eye of the beholder; And since he was going to be the one looking at this piece of work on his wall from this point forward; through his eyes, what he sees, completes my creation.

I had a surprising realization about what this work meant to me, and how / what kind of attachment I had towards it.

 I originally thought I had zero attachment towards this piece, which was why I was OK with selling it.

But when I started thinking of a title to name it; I realized, it carried my relationship with Juan. My high school sweetheart, and one of the most painful love of my life.

 I used the flowers he gave me to make this artwork.  The flowers after it had dried ...

It still deteriorates after its death...  felt kind of poetic..... watching a leaf fall off of it... and crumbled a bit as it landed on my basement tiles..... 

 I had mourned our relationship and him like a widow from a forcibly dissolved marriage...

"My Almost Family"

Side note:

I was told I undersold my work and it's  monetary value. 😅 sheeessshhhh

Secondly, a lot of people seems to have a highly regarded and perceived opinion of this artwork. It's definitely more than I did or do right now lol so weird. 

But I have realized that my work with color, all have looked fantastic after I've digitally turned them black and white. I loved it so much more than when it was in vibrant, loud or dark colors.

Briggs Myers vs Big 5 Personality Traits

Discriminative

Dying.

Dying to win and risking death to win...

Are completely different, Megumi.

Give it your best.

Be greedier. 

From Anime: Jujutsu Kaisen

Match 3/12/2021

What are you passionate about?

What ignites you spirit?

What makes you happy?

What won't you give up no matter what happens?

Jane Ku Yeh (古家灵) (3/7/2021)

I'm going to miss you for the rest of my life. 

I love you, always Janey. 

You're my best friend, my sister, and my best meal companion. 

You're my kin, my "person". 

I haven't had that in over a decade. 

You meant more to me than I consciously realized. I'm physically sick right now, with varies manifested symptoms. 

There's so many things in the world that reminds me of you.

We had so many plans, unfulfilled; And it wasn't just for 2021. 

You wanted to travel and vacation together for years. You and all your Groupon browsing...every time you saw a good deal. Lol

You kept on trying to talk me into buying an LV, even though I told you it looks ugly as hell. (And only the White LV series was tolerable)

I can't believe I'll never have another birthday with you there. 

It's your birthday this month. 

You would of turned 42 and told me you want a spa day together. Then proceed to suggestively toss in a sly move for me to pay for your meal (as if I wasn't going to lol).

I can't believe you're gone. 

I don't want to. I'm not ready. I'm never going to be.

You know how hard it is to make "actual" friends in adulthood??? Let alone, a best friend?? Janey...

I didn't even know you were going to be in an induced coma the last time we spoke. You didn't spill the beans on how critical your condition was. And here I thought you were being dramatic for getting a procedure done. 

I guessed that you didn't want me to worry and freak out; which I did anyways when I didn't hear from you for 2 days. I ended up calling the ICU just to make sure you're alive. They told me you were sleeping at first. I was actually relieved you were finally getting some shut eye. 

It was so surreal to wake up to a message on Yelp, from Jando, telling me you had gone...you didn't make it...at 8/830am in the morning. I was half awake. It wasn't until I walked into the bathroom, and sat down, then tears just came running down like a loose faucet...

And then having to explain to my dad why I'm crying uncontrollably first thing in the morning..... after stumbling out of my room.

I haven't been this upset in a long time. 

I'm literally mourning in every way..... 

I spent the first two and a half days crying uncontrollably, and inconsolable...

I lost my appetite for food and haven't been able to sleep right, even with medication (You overpowered Ambien woman!!...*sighs*). 

I had spoken to a nurse from the ICU the week prior and was told you were fine ...

I feel like a ship without a coast to dock by...

I'm unwilling to let you go. 

Who am I going to share and talk to at 4/5am ...about food and all things random (upon our whimsy...lol )

We've only known each other for roughly 3 years or so... 

That is not enough Janey...

We were supposed to age together...like two old biddies....and now I have to picture every turn of life without you... 

when and where I know you should be ......

My chest hurts... and it's not my afib lol

I've been getting flashbacks of you in our various encounters. The kids... 

Your munchkins... with all those fluffy little cheeks on their faces ... 

Looking just like their mom... :)

It was bitter sweet to go through your Yelp and Facebook postings, before I went through other online account postings. 

You are so loved. And by some many people. I hope you left this world knowing that as a statement of fact. 

To be continued....

.....

3/16

There's not enough things in this world to fill the void you left in my heart.

I miss you so much.

Love

Youm: It's natural to want to protect the one you love, isn't it?

Muylan: The Myulan you've known all this time was just a pretense created to deceive you! The "one you love" doesn't even exist!

Youm: Don't worry, Myulan.

Youm: I'll fall for your deceit until the day I die.
If you believe it until the very end, it's no different from the truth.

From Anime: 

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime (S02EP29)

Grandparents

Grandpa's blood sugar just suddenly dropped to 18... he was covered in sweat that soaked through his shirt and undershirt. 

And he still had enough sweat on him to dampen 5 strip pieces of paper towels... :(

...

Grandma is looking more emaciated everyday, even though her fractures are healing. 

I've never seen grandma so skin and bones my entire life. 

All of this is too much. 

I cant... 

I know I'm supposed to "feel" all this in order to move forward 

But I can't...

I just cant.......

**********

I want to call ICU again to check on Jane, but I'm afraid to know anymore bad news... 

独孤天下 / The Legend Of Dugu

TV SHOW:    《独孤天下》

般若教伽羅和曼陀

「記得， 女人最大的利器，是男人的不忍心」

。。。。。。。。。。。。。

真正爱你的男人，会宠着你，对你的小脾气也会耐心的忍受，耐心的哄你开心，逗你笑！

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Story of my life lol 😅🤣

有些女人谈恋爱不是找了个男朋友，而是找了个儿子，男人不是找了个女朋友，而是找了第二个妈，两人根本不是恋爱关系，变成了“母子关系”。其实真正爱你的男人不会把你逼成老妈子，更不会把你变成保姆，他在你面前有小孩子的一面，一样也会把你宠得像个小孩子。所以女人要知道，越是爱你的男人，越会把你宠成小孩。他闲暇时会陪你一起玩一起疯，一起幼稚，也会容忍你的小脾气，小心翼翼呵护你的少女心，喜欢看你笑得像个傻子一样。

。。。。。。。。。。。。。

女人爱上一个男人，你得首先经过：真正的认识他、真正的了解他这样两个阶段。

认识充分、了解足够，对方的为人、性格、品质与能力，也就大多掌握得差不多了。

这样的前提之下，不管他在什么情况之下说了什么，你都还是能够根据内心对他的真正性格、你们的感情深度、他的实力的准确判断而做到有谱，才不会被对方临时所说的一些话语给误导，你们的感情发展也才会平稳、健康而顺利。

千言万语一句话：女人挑男人或与男人相处，更重要的是看他的行为，而并非听他的语言，更不要将他所说的每一句话，都当成有法律保障的条款来看待，这样才更为清醒与实际得多。

聪明的女人一旦明白他们的性格及行事规律，其实就非常容易把握及掌握其内心的变化了。

聪明女人，对男人的三句话听过就忘，傻女人总爱揪着不放，从而闹出无数的意外与纷争来。

1.同住时的山盟海誓

2.吵架时故意伤人的气话

3.为了吹牛说的大话

可是将此当成他的一种“保证”与“承诺”，然后便当了真，日后总以此当成他没有兑现诺言的理由不依不饶的话，可能真的不太明智，对方多半会恼羞成怒与你发生争执并影响到双方的感情。